I'm not anti-social, I am just saving you from what I became. is what I used to say.
Now I have started to do a lot of things so that I am slowly starting to become who I actually am. This includes:
Stopped focusing on YouTube, Instagram, Website almost completely from March 2026. Mainly because the Finances were terrible or in other words, I wasn't making shit with all these and my ethics kept getting in the way to use the dark stuff which makes a youtube channel successful.
I made a promise to myself when I started my YouTube channels especially MTFi that when the day comes for me to decide between my ethics and shutting all this down, I would chose my ethics. And I have done so now.
This has been a driving force in a lot of things I do. Literally everyone I know actually agress with the other statement "Behta ganga mein haath dhona" or, Jumping on the bandwagon where they excuse their behavior by saying it's already happening or people are already doing it, why should I not also profit myself since it's already done.
I reject that philosophy and that's the reason I have completely stopped recommending Retro handhelds, Mobile with or without external gamepad and IEMs or earphones and WILL NEVER RECOMMEND THEM.
It might have been easy for me to justify the behaviour and recommend these things and make a bit more money but I don't want someone's ill will on my conscience.
From what I see around me, most people have suppressed their conscience by many justifications and no longer atleast show that anything happens inside them when they do harm to others, I however, feel it and have trouble sleeping or actually living life if I know I have done those things.
I used to get scared and very very nervous and I used to mumble when I was asked to speak in public. Public speaking terrified me. And even when there is no one in the room, recording into a camera. Knowing the general public will watch it and judge me and laugh at me, terrified me.
I remember back in first year in MAIT when everyone had to give a small presentation on programming topics, which I loved back then and I knew this was my thing, and the college kids were like 5-10 and I knew all of them and they knew me, still terrified me so much that I kept mumbling. The teacher had to ask me to step down out of pity. I HATED THAT. Because I cared about those topics.
In the second college, MNNIT, any public speaking or personality growth were completely out of the question as it was mainly about keeping your head down and drowning yourself in theory. Other kids didn't help also. So it was on hold for four years.
But while in my first job I made one small video without voice on a small 3D blender cup tutorial in 2018 and more small videos on tech and gaming combined with the one goal to put me out there. This is the reason I am so harsh with toxic people not as much for my sake (I already overcome online trolls) but to stop other kids who might be like me but are shot down by toxic people who think they are better than everyone. This is also one of the reasons I straight up don't recommend any multiplayer PvP games at all.
Continuing from the question above, when you're trying to get out in the open sharing your own thoughts, your work, your thoughts, the abuse, troll behavior no matter how the trolls justify is, is really disheartening to someone else knowing that it was in a public forum.
And can you imagine how much damaging it is to someone else who just commented a simple question on my youtube channels who was considering going down this creative path but seeing the response to his simple question he got completely disheartened?
I can't in good conscience let that happen.
Just a small clarification, this doesn't mean I don't welcome criticism or challenges to what I say or write. I welcome them with open arms but you don't have to be toxic to say it. You don't have to take a swing at my body-weight or family relations to disagree with me.
And if it's something you truly don't want to agree with me on, we don't have to interact. It's fine. You don't have to be friends with everyone. You can move on from me to other channels and I can move on from you to other people. That's completely fine. Differences should exist and we don't have to get along, let's just agree to disagree.
Back when I sold books via Amazon, that was my theme then also, simple black and white, but also, I am sick of websites that have a ton of stuff all around the page so you can't focus on one thing and you keep on clicking everywhere here and there.
But also, I have had this website for years now and this site was never made for doom-scrolling but to focus on one topic at a time. It was made for me and I like simplicity and I like speed and I don't like fancy stuff everywhere.
I use this website everyday to reference materials, to check stuff, and for the general public there are videos I make off of the content I write here.
Also, I like to know what part of code is doing what. I am not importing some random library on the internet no matter how popular that I don't understand how it works internally. Isn't that what all of them are, they will do the internal thing for you but it's so complex that you can't change one thing on it. I love control over my own work. I want to move from one page to another and have the complete freedom to write it as before or something completely new.
People have contacted me multiple times to fix the website but I have always turned them down and I always will. This is my site, I want everything that goes along with it. Like for example the way I have written my code I know that at 13th Dec 2025 01:53:16 PM IST someone visited Iqoo Z9S Pro page and I should probably add more reasons not to buy that phone.
I loved Death Note, watched Detective Conan Shows a lot and now reading it's manga just to finish it(pretty weak manga if I am being honest), loved Asobi Asobase 1-2 episodes. But in my recent digital health journey, I am moving from video entertainment to more forms that let me imagine stuff for myself like Manga and Audiobooks which I talk more on this channel.
While I was in a very dark time in my life, I came across this notion in a book which I don't remember anymore but it has now become a part of me and I hope it does for you too:
There were times where I genuinely thought my life might be completely worthless. I might not do one good thing in my life. Everyone might be disappointed in me but if at the end of my life, I did something that even accidentally saved someone else's life, this might have been worth all of it.
I guess I am hanging onto that. I have had these dark thoughts for quite some time back in the days but now after reaffirming this thought, I no longer have to deal with it.
I take a short break from everything, calm down and then get back to it. And creating non-tech life lessons videos on YT:@ni6hant is what helps me get myself up again and again.
I have lived for 30+ years and most of that time it's Hindi songs that I have listened to all the time. It's even playing everywhere I go anyways, so I don't bother with it anymore because you can't escape it if you live in India.
Also, there isn't much variety in Hindi Songs. It's their obsession with love and heartbreak that I find to be too much. Anyways, there are too many songs in too many other languages around the world to worry about missing a few from one country.
As a kid hearing the lakh word was something elusive. It felt like something that was too big for anyone to attain when it's actually not. People are fine spending 90k on a laptop but as soon as it crosses that mental hurdle of "1 lakh" they treat it as if it's something big.
That's what I am trying to change. I am NOT asking you to spend more money but I am asking that you not make a big deal out of lakhs/crores then they actually are and with falling rupee, these matter even less now.
One thing that we found when we were struggling as a family to get two kids in colleges back in 2011-2012 was before that we never thought about lakhs, but when were forced to think in lakhs, just for our fees in the two colleges, sort of had to break out.
Yes, it was a struggle but knowing that we had placed this big hurdle of lakhs in our head was a big deal. I think following the international system where 1,000 & 1,000,000 is a better representation of a huge deal than 1,000 & 1,00,000 and I am trying to enforce that through my website.
Because the biggest hurdle in growing up in life, financially or otherwise is our own belief systems.