I don't even know where to begin. Well I will begin with the challenge I am doing, namely No Gaming, No Social Media & No Movies, No TVchallenges.

It's been quite a few days of those challenge and when video entertainment is out of your life for such long days, things start to happen inside you!

The thoughts, feelings, unattended wounds start to surface up. And I guess that is all that's happening.

So many regrets!

"If only I had done that instead of this, life would have been perfect!"

You know earlier when I used to had imaginary future events in my head I used to imagine myself "successful". Now, all future is simply blank! There is nothing because it feels like I won't be able to do the bare minimum required for that thing anyways!

Living with parents for the past few years hasn't been easy but when I came back home, mother's blood glucose was beyond what the machine could measure and Dad due to his paralysis can't most things at home.

I truly want to pursue my career more and more but I can't leave them like this!

They say they will be fine but the evidence is to the contrary.

Earlier I used to say that since I am working towards something, I am unable to take out time for household chores but it's time I realize that there is nothing more to work towards. It's over.

Youtube is over, career in Civil was always over, government jobs are out of question, private people won't hire me without wanting me at that place, and the IT IT I keep working towards all day and night has no shortage of under-paid IT college kids who will work for free if they have to!

Only way to get a job now is to ask someone to help me out but I don't want to do that because I am not sure if I want that on my conscience. The last time I did that, it was horrible for both of us!

I guess it's time to give up on all dreams! Dreams now I wish i never had! There is no one to blame other than myself for the situation I have landed myself in.